March 18
"She's just a treasure" was my intention to write yesterday, but the pen had run out of all its ink or paste or whatever it had been writing with. Nevertheless, I'm ready to repeat it even today – she's just a treasure!
It seems to be the last entry in my diary. This blocknote is finished, and at the barber's—the only working enterprise in the town—they sell no notebooks.
Thus, the time has come for winding up. Anyhow, one shall draw a line somewhere.
Well, I'm fully aware that these notes o' mine have a hell of misgrammings and missspellings.
They are dull. They are monotonous: Yoga. Guitar. Supper. Good Night. Good Night. Good Night. Good Night.........
But! For three-months, they were my shelter and outlet for my horror, frights and sentimentality. The point is so evident, it doesn't need any further exposing.
On the other hand, there is some other thing I cannot prove but may suppose. Chaadaeff, a seminal Russian thinker of the XIX century, prophetized fusion of this world made up of countless individual minds into the world of One Mutual Mind. He called it "the Kingdom of God".
Academician Vernadsky, already in the current century, announced that not only biosphere, lithosphere and so on exist on this planet, but also one more, let's call it noosphere. It's like a common pool of human minds and thoughts and ideas to which all of us are contributors
(...he seems to pick up the idea from the contemporary French Jesuit monk, overly obedient to the orders of his bosses...)
Some twenty-years after him, THE BEATLES sang: "All we're saying is to give to peace chance."
I would add - all we are thinking, crooning, all we are doing (if not as a part of the war effort) is to give to peace/world a chance. In this respect, these writings were also a part of the anti-war activity in the very epicenter (one of too many) of hatred, killings, suffering of the noosphere contributors, who are chewing ancient cud about native land or sacred vengeance.
All False. "Native land" is a rattle-toy for paupers and imbeciles. I have been to various lands (within the former Soviet Empire): any of them may become your beloved, if you are able to love. And, if my Treasure or our kids get killed or maimed, no mountains of corpses, no seas of blood would ever repair the loss.
Aye, Coleridge said: "sweet is the vengeance", but it's true only for ravens, not for the contributors.
However, all that is my suppositions only, for which I've got neither tangible prove, nor undeniable evidence. So it's high time for me to drop this sermon and go over to more common sense matters.
During the night, the town was bombarded with missiles—the noise in the streets awakened me from time to time.
In the morning I went to Carina's underground with the bread baked by her mother. Carina was glad to get it. She said, that tomorrow is her daughter Rita's birthday.
In the Orliana's underground I was told that she together with her children had flown by a plane to Yerevan. Valyo remains here as a GI.
At the Club, there were almost no visitors today. Only Rafic and another member of the staff, to whom the news about money distribution came too late.
After lunch—guitar-playing with near-by blasts of a GRAD volley.
Yoga—with near-by blasts of another GRAD volley.
Then, I went to the Underground to keep Ahshaut in my lap for a while. At my knocking on the room's door, he opened it and distinctly cried in Armenian: "Daddy has come!"
I hope he won't be a stale thoughts chewer, but become a real contributor in any language he chooses. The lingua makes no difference. In the end Ahshaut will find his contributions as wanting and incomplete as bibles, qorans, vedas, relativity theory or any other holy scriptures from all of the pack. Anyway, it is Ahshaut's future, his problem. And, I have my problem—my present to cope with. Jedem - seiner.
Sahtik began to knit a sweater for Gaia, the daughter of Orliana.
After the visit to the Underground, I returned home and ate supper cooked by my mother-in-law.
The water-walk of two goes is ahead.
GOOD NIGHT
top